When it comes to social networking, I pride myself on remaining at the forefront of progress. At last year’s Cannes Film Festival, I documented my time spent queueing in the rain for Romanian arthouse dramas with a heady mix of tweets, Facebook messages and Instagram filters. This year I’ll also be making use of Vine, and — in an effort to prove that even the most impractical of technologies can be co-opted in the name of humblebragging — Snapchat.

If you’re not yet familiar with 2013′s greatest social barometer, please:

Snapchat is an app for iOS and Android that allows you to send images of your genitals playful video clips to your nearest and dearest, with the unusual caveat that the files delete themselves as soon as they’ve been viewed. This unique service has quickly become a hotbed of genital imagery artistic creativity across the globe.

And so, I’m giving Ultra Culture readers the opportunity to receive images of my genitals exciting coverage of the Cannes Film Festival direct to their phones for the next nine days, via this distinctive new medium. To count yourself among the lucky few, simply…

Click here to tweet me your Snapchat username.

Let’s not let this slip away like we did Words with Friends.